Common Parenting Mistakes
Parenting Advice Basics
By Vincent Iannelli, M.D., About.com Guide
Updated October 19, 2011
Learning to overcome these common parenting mistakes will get you a long way towards being a more effective parent:
1) Not Trying To Fix Problems
Either because they think that certain problems can't be fixed or they simply are quick to accept them, many parents endure months or years of frustration living with common problems. This might include bedtime battles, frequent night awakenings, or frequent temper tantrums and behavior problems in older children.
Although it may take some hard work, most problems that you face as a parent can be worked through and changed or fixed. You may need some help though. Your baby may not have come with instructions, but there are plenty of books, websites, and people, that can help guide you through the challenges of parenting. Your Pediatrician and other health professionals can also be helpful when facing more difficult or persistent problems.
2) Overestimating or Underestimating Problems
Before you try to fix problems, you have to first decide what is and isn't a problem. And if it is a problem, how big of a problem are you facing.
Is it a big problem if your:
•preschooler has occasional tantrums?
•5 or 6 year old is 'caught' playing doctor?
•teen begins to test his limits, spends more time away from his family, or tries to be more independent?
In general, the answer in all three situations is no. These are simple age appropriate issues that should be expected. On the other hand, you shouldn't take lightly a problem like a teen caught smoking, stealing, or cheating.
3) Having Unrealistic Expectations
If you have unrealistic expectations of what your kids should be doing, you can actually create problems. This often happens when parents get frustrated or impatient with a 2 1/2 year old who still isn't interested in potty training, a 6 year old who is wetting the bed, or a moody teenager. So make sure that your expectations match what your kids are developmentally able or expected to be doing.
4) Being Inconsistent
Few things can harm your children more than an inconsistent parenting style. If you are sometimes very strict, but give in other times or simply don't seem to care what your kids are doing, they will have a very hard time knowing what is expected of them and how to act.
5) Not Having Rules or Setting Limits
You may think that you are doing your kids a favor by letting them do whatever they want, but most younger children find it especially hard to live without any limits. Having rules, setting limits, consistent routines, and offering limited choices will help your child know and expect what is coming throughout the day.
6) Fighting Back
In the book, Setting Limits With Your Strong-Willed Child, Dr. Robert MacKenzie describes fighting back as the 'family dance,' in which you can become 'stuck in these destructive patterns of communication.' We aren't talking about physically fighting with your child, but fighting back can take other forms, like getting mad, yelling, and repeating yourself over and over.
Fighting or arguing with your kids offers them negative attention and a lot of power over you, since they are able to trigger such strong reactions. Instead of stopping problem behaviors, fighting back will lead you to 'unintentionally rewarding the misbehavior you're trying to stop.'
Instead of fighting back, you can do better by stopping power struggles and learning more effective discipline techniques, like time-out and using logical and natural consequences, and not taking a lot of time fighting before you use them.
PARENT RESOURCE
A Parent's Guide to the Common Core from national PTA:
http://www.pta.org/4446.htm
Elementary counselors are unique positions in our schools that provide a variety of specialized services to the students and their families. An elementary school counselor supports each child's personal, social, and educational development through:
Guidance Lessons- The counselor visits each classroom to teach lessons. Topics might include dealing with bullying behavior, identifying basic feelings, I messages, conflict resolution, personal safety, or getting along with others.
Individual Counseling- The counselor visits with students about specific concerns, inviting them to explore choices and arrive a responsible solutions consistent with personal and family beliefs.
Group Counseling and Social Skills Groups- The counselor works with groups of students over a limited period of time. Group counseling provides students with the opportunity to explore common concerns, gain skills in problem solving, goal setting, and lend support to each other.
Community Referrals- The counselor has knowledge of many of the community resources available to families and can help in the referral process.
Resources- The counselor has a professional library which includes books, videos, and games dealing with a variety of childhood issues. These resources are available for check out to parents and students.
Counselor's Schedule:
Monday - Lincoln/Jefferson
Tuesday - Jefferson/Lincoln
Wednesday - Lincoln/Jefferson
Thursday - Jefferson/Lincoln
Friday - Lincoln/Jefferson